My Self Esteem Needs Constant Maintenance... Even Today

I kinda sorta go back and forth with the whole idea of this blog. Part of me wants to use this as a tool to speak positive and optimism over my life and the things I want to accomplish. But then I want to keep it real and be upfront about myself and how I feel. I'm torn... well whatever...

Last time I checked I was about 240 something pounds. I'm not proud of that weight. I'm not proud that I rock a size 18 at 5'2. It seems that I am just not able to control my weight. I look at other smaller people and wish I could have that gene that keeps people from packing on the weight.. I mean I believe there is such a gene... right?!?!

But one thing I can say is that I have accepted my size and the arduous task that I must work extra hard to control my weight. This does weigh heavy on my self esteem. I think the worst feeling that attributes to the wavering self gratitude is the fact that I want to get to a smaller size so bad, but I just can't seem to "get it" like most people. I haven't mastered the art of weight maintenance like most everyone else. And that makes me feel like people are looking at me and saying, "Wow, she has no self discipline". I care a lot what others think because they do pass judgment based off of personal appearance.

As a part of my life goals I have written goals in order to keep my self esteem from becoming low. In addition to working out and eating right I have also included a few objectives to help me in the personal appearance department.

#1--Everytime I get my paycheck I have to buy myself 2 outfits.

So I have learned that when you look great, you feel great. It took a while to understand what types of clothes flatter my figure well, but once I got the general science down, shopping became fun. Trying different pieces and style variations really stirred up an appreciation for myself. Also it is important for me to stay with current trends and adapt them to my personal style. I've realized in order for me to remain competitive with my peers I need to keep my wardrobe fresh and updated. Staying relevant with today's trends go a long way when constantly meeting new people. People judge you by what you look like. I've realized that an unkempt appearance can be an obstacle while making new friends and establishing a business rapport with new clients. I've decided to never let my personal appearance be the first roadblock to success.

#2--Everytime I get my paycheck I have to get the dawgs all pretty.

And by dawgs I mean the toes. There is something to say about getting your feet done and then showing them off in sandals. It makes me feel pretty. Its like by taking time to do something for me, I instantly feel important, and feel I require special handling. This is an incredible feeling.

#3--KEEP MY HAIR DONE!!!

My hair doesn't have to be Hollywood Glam, but it definitely has to be presentable. I believe the easiest thing to do to make you look a million bucks is to get a hairstlye that looks great. Don't go out with your hair in ponytails all the time. It works with some looks, but with others it looks lazy. I realized that a nice updoo with jeans and a simple black tee can make you look fab instantly. Just think about it and try it out.

Well these tips work for me... I'm always looking for simple ways to just boost my esteem a little. I swear, once I stopped looking to everyone else to make me happy and started paying attention to what I looked like and how I enjoyed my time, life started becoming a little more exciting!!

MUAH!!! Kisses to the wind... someone will bring em back!

My Cheetah Lingerie in the Workplace

Today was my first day at work in the great city of "Atlanta". And nobody knew the secret of why I felt so sexy and domineering today... I believe it had everything to do with my cheetah camisole set. Under my business attire the whole safari jungle was lurking beneath ready to pounce on the poor wretched soul that dared to tempt me... Mmmmm Hmmmm...

Deep Wave Quick Weave Tutorial

So I don't think most of you all know about me, but when it comes to hair, I am a WEAVE-A-HOLIC!!! I have been doing my own weaving styles since I was in high school. But what I love most is the quick weave techniques where you can create a totally new hairstyle in about an hour or less, depending on how complex you want it. I've done a few tutorials myself after I was inspired by many of the other great Quick Weave Divas on Youtube.

This tutorial is kinda simple. It only involves one type of hair. I honestly love it, but hey, I haven't had too many hairstyles that I didn't like. Enjoy!!

Petite Big Boned Women Get No Love From Clothing Stores

So, me and my sister went on an impromptu shopping trip. Sometimes I get really picky on where I shop because my sizes are really hard to find. I am a petite 5' 1 1/2" with so much junk in the trunk that only a size 18 can cover. I mean really, my ass is so bodacious... It is extremely hard trying to find clothes that fit me right. I like to wear petite clothing because the fit is proportionate to women who stand 5'4" or less. But to find something in a size 18... nearly impossible. Then when I try on Women's sizes or Plus Sizes, the bodice is really loose fitting and doesn't hug my curves and the crotch in the pants usually hangs low and bulk up and makes me look like I have a groin... this is not cute sexy or attractive at all (womp womp womp).

I'm not sure if I'm whining or launching a campaign for Petite Big Boned women but I really wish a retailer would understand there is a Petite Big Boned niche that needs to have clothes

that fit. I can say that I have only found one line of clothing that caters especially to us. I discovered "Source of Wisdom", a line I've only seen in Torrid.

I bought a pair of "Source of Wisdom" blue jeans a while ago. They were a size 1S. "S" stands for short. The only other options were "T" for tall and "R" for regular. And the way these pants hugged my beautiful curves was amazing. I swear when I got them home I laid across the bed gazing into the mirror in awe of how great my ass looked. I threw on some heels and strutted across the room. I even made a pitcher of lemonade in them. And as I was sipping a glass of lemonade I went onto my balcony and did a little pose for my peeping toms, just in case they were

looking.

I'm still on the hunt for great fits for Petite Big Boned bodies, but until then, I will be satisfied with every color of these "Source of Wisdom" jeans I just bought. I swear... I love my ass! MUAH!!! Kisses to the wind shugas!

The Best Heels for my Big Boned Behind...

As much as I hate to admit it... I can't wear stilettos anymore. As soon as I stand up in 'em the side muscles in my leg start to hurting. And don't let me try and walk in 'em. I swear I'm that bowlegged chick in the club that didn't test out those pretty 4 1/2 inch heels before she bought them... Just leaning to the left and right with it. But I can say, I was inspired by the thick chick I saw today with the silver wedged sandals. It made me remember, you gotta work with what you got til you get yourself where you want to be. And thats the beautiful part of it.

A new trend I checked into last year was the triangular heel. It is very classy and provides morestability than stilettos. And that is important. Because when you rocking large hips from the left to the right, its easy to get carried away with the momentum... easy!!! I love these shoes!! I wish I could have a designer to make a few dozen to give my outfits a new kick.

How Many Cami's Are In Your Closet?

Have you ever heard the statement, "The versatility of a woman's wardrobe depends on the number of camisole's she has in her closet"? Probably not. But what you may not realize is the power of the camisole in your wardrobe. This is a fashion MUST HAVE!

Camisoles are everywhere. Department stores advertise them 2 for $6, $10, or $15. Most women buy one top in a few different colors.

They are usually simple single color tops with little or no detail. And they are made with fabrics suited for any occasion.

How To Wear A Cami

The most popular way to wear a cami is usually with a two piece set like a jumpsuit, pant suit, business suit, or any other piece that

involves a matching top and bottom. Another way to wear a cami is with articles of clothing that exposes more bust than you've bargained for. Some V-neck tops are cami friendly. One of my favorite ways to wear the cami is with a simple pair of pants and a blazer that has a really great personality. The cami serves as a simple accent while allowing the blazer to really show some pizazz!!

The greatest thing about camisoles are that you can mix and

match them to other pieces in your wardrobe to make a fresh new look. They are simple accents, but they are a basic staple that every woman needs to complete her outfit.

New Shoe Trend Alert: Cowboy Boots

Cowboy boots have been around since... well the advent of Cowboys. The original design of the cowboy boot was due to safety issues. It had a pointed toe so the rider could easily insert his/her boot into the stirrup that was connected to the horse saddle. The heel was wedged to prevent the cowboy's boots from sliding through the stirrup, which could have caused the rider life threatening challenges. And now after that brief history lesson, I bet you won't look at another cowboy boot the same way...

Why is this a Plus Sized Must Have?

I like this style of boots is because of the heel. They meet somewhere in between a wedge and and a stiletto. They provide more stability to the knees and ankles than some stilettos without that chunky bulky feeling that some wedge heeled shoes have.

This boot has seen many different variations this season. I've seen boots encased with rocker studs, slouched boot shafts, sexy and exotic animal skins, and the list goes on. With all the style variations there is a great chance in finding a cowboy boot to top off your current personal style.

How to wear cowboy boots in 2011?

We are not cowboys, so please be a little more creative before you decide to walk out the house with the huge cowboy hat, handkerchief, and wrangler jeans... unless you are going to a costume party or are apart of that culture. There are a few adaptations you can make without looking like a professional bull rider.

The most common way to wear these boots are with tights and tight jeans tucked into the shaft of the boot. Depending on the type of boot you may also try and combine the look with different accessories.

Plus sized blogger Big Beautyful Mess found a way to create a casual look with tights, a Z. Cavaricci Buckle Belt, and a Plum Takon dress from B & LU.